HARD CUDDLES #16 - FATHERS AND SONS BY JAMES HARDING

FATHER AND SONS

So many images of young men are a reflection of the shadow of their fear when in actual fact they never take off the emotional coat of their Fathers.

Young men striving to gain the approval, love, and respect of their fathers. When they in fact were or are struggling with their own place and existence in the universe, the ideology of a son needing assurance off a man that has been unable to break free of his own personal challenges, sets forward a chain reaction that can last forever. Deep underlying insecurities dictate the progress of a young man’s growth and end up superseding any spiritual beliefs gained from his own life experience. A fathers control and repressed constraints will limit the boy’s dynamic ability to find his own path and create the limitless abundance he is destined for. Through no fault of his own, the father’s vulnerability and emotional sensitivities can determine the extent to which his son is able to familiarise himself with his own capacity to grow and emerge as an unstoppable spiritual force. Only when the son removes the coat of his Father’s emotional restrictions will he be able to step forward into his own power and find what it is that allows his soul to be free.

Life is an adventure that rewards those courageous enough to step aside from normality and drive an idea that they are strong enough to overcome and achieve. There is no room for the perception of a thought process created from fear and shortcomings, an ideology that anyone needs the acceptance from their father is a belief that assurance will set you free. Male’s set themselves free by finding purpose and experience in the momentum of their own journey, the ego and mind will consistently challenge this by referring a channel of thought back to the most significant influence in their life, the father figure. It is of the highest importance to draw on a father’s experience and understand that his direction was applicable to his life, no two paths are the same. The inception of acceptance is bounded by a limited notion that father knows best, some sons never bother to explore life any further than the exposure they receive from their father. It is a truly overwhelming prospect that father’s can have so much control over their sons, nothing ventured nothing gained. The human spirit is designed to be bold and daring, to be able to absorb the astounding wonder that is the universe, if a father has lived a careful life then you can rest assured that he will do his best to protect his son from the same things that terrified him during his own personal growth. Never bothering to test the foundation of the spirit or forcing himself into the unthinkable depths of the vast unknown, these are not places of certainty or repetitious continuity and should be avoided at all costs. A life dedicated to following the rules and living within ones’ comfort zone is a protected existence, the constraints of this controlled expedition lead to a life of regret and unfulfilled promises. After all, fearless intrepidity is the cause of incredible emotional breakthroughs and the essence of a monumental journey.

Always looking for approval but never receiving it, they then dismiss their own boundaries and choices by daredevil antics that are inevitable to their downslide in society stripping more and more of the goodness, kindness and love, replacing it with anger frustration and isolation.

Destined for greatness and restricted by fear, a young man declines the opportunities presented to him in a desperate search for approval from his father. The father ignores his son's request and further denies him the appeasement the young man desires for forward progress, neither of them recognising the double-edged sword at play here. What begins as only a minor decision manifests itself into a lifetime of uncertainty and insecurity. So the young man rebels against the wishes of his father and overcompensates by indulging in risqué behaviour, only serving to undermine his emotional state and ability to practice spiritual awareness. Drug taking, alcoholism, gambling, violence is the attempted attention-grabbing antics of a young man consistently unable to make clear and concise decisions, fuelled by the unrelenting pressure he places on himself due to the complete lack of self-worth he feels from not receiving the love he so desires.

The undertaking of extreme and undermining behavioural patterns represses any chance the young man has of finding his own place in society and the universe. Mental strength and focus are the key building blocks and foundation of an adolescent forming his own personality, a supportive and emotionally stable male role model consistently replenishes any self-worth inadequacies he will face. A father unable to address his own emotional content controls and constrains his son's life experience. Without even trying the father can decide if his boy appreciates the strength and power of his own ability to make and create amazing abundance. If a father is unable to determine a clear path through his emotional vulnerabilities, he passes on an unprotected manner of discontent to his son. This anger and frustration manifests itself in many different ways, the most crucial restriction will be his ability to form a loving relationship with himself and a future life partner. When anyone is truly at peace with themselves, they, in turn, look at the world with gratitude and a sweet disposition of love and understanding, further creating inspiring momentum and forcing the universe to repay the favor with dynamic energy and untold serendipity. Young men deluded into feeling they need the “pats on the back” consistently indulge in practices that provide the significance they crave, but ultimately leave them feeling unfulfilled as they are not allowing themselves to find peace in what truly makes them happy. The search for self-worth is an elusive mirage that always seems so close, evidently, it proves to be the broken arrow a man will carry for the rest of life. The formality of pleasing people becomes a quest for recognition that aligns itself with a lifetime of hurt and regret. Never fully establishing one’s own personal boundaries or designing a clear projection of emotional awareness, opens the door to deep seeded insecurity and indecision. This trait can so easily become ingrained in a male’s psyche, forbidding any original thinking and rendering the soul as a passenger in a runaway car. There will be moments of victory and glimpses of clarity, but ultimately there is a fog that looms over life and serves to dictate one’s happiness. Loving relationships are the centre point of a beautiful and fruitful life, sharing and understanding the amazing connections possible on this stunning planet is the essence of this magnificent adventure. Genuine spiritual growth forces the human spirit to reveal his sensitivities and truths in open and honest fashion, with certainty and precision a man embraces both his female and male energy. Allowing both the natural calm, nurturing qualities of the female energy to bond and connect with the powerful, assertive energy of the male. Creating the perfect symmetry for awareness and limiting the reactive nature of the dominant male ego.

When a man feels supported and has enjoyed the nourishment of an involved and caring father, he can feel comfortable to share his emotions with an open and loving heart space. Such familiarity with common emotional expression leads to a stronger appreciation of self-worth if a male understands the relevance of his own vulnerability he is the master of his kingdom. Furthermore, there is limitless strength in openly communicating one’s feelings and redefining the all round thought around men avoiding all opportunities to be real and honest with other men.

JAMES HARDING